Delta Offers New Non-Stop MRI Flights

 

ATLANTA, GA-According to Consumer Reports most recent survey of airline satisfaction, Best and Worst Airlines According to Consumer Reports Readers, lack of leg room topped the list of complaints, and Delta has been swift to address this issue.

In an effort to cut costs, maximize profits, and diversify its services, Delta is taking advantage of its claustrophobic coach fare seating, resulting from squeezing just one more row of seats into an already sardine can like cabin, by offering the option to upgrade to its new non-stop MRI service.

During any flight within the continental United States, and for an upgrade charge of $2895.78, which is covered by most major providers for those with insurance, coach fare customers can now opt to receive a non-stop MRI to probe for any maladies which may have been incubating from years of not making regular visits to the doctor. Amenities include a free copy of Sky, Delta’s inflight magazine, a view of the back of the seat in front of you too close to focus on after being reclined into your face, and a panicky feeling of wanting to bolt for the cabin door for one last gulp of air before settling down for the long flight and MRI ahead.

The best part is that Delta is able to offer their lucrative MRI service with its cramped, coffin like conditions, without making a single change to their current coach fare accommodations. Delta released this statement: “We are constantly probing for efficiencies that take advantage of our coach customers willingness to pay without compromising on services that maximize return to our shareholders.”

Ellen Crampinski, a spokesperson for Delta, went onto convey that the additional revenue generated from the MRIs will be used to maintain their ever popular complimentary beverage and snack options, including sodas, coffee, water, and those little bags of snack mix.

First class passengers will still continue to receive a hot meal as well as normal land based MRIs through their full medical coverage.