UNITED STATES-Imagine commuting to work, dropping your kids off at day care, or even taking the dog for a walk without the comforting feeling of a Barrett REC 7 strapped to your back, or the stopping power of a 50 Beowulf Entry dangling from your right hand.
Unfortunately, this is the grim situation facing millions of Americans everyday. And the numbers are growing. This silent majority simply cannot own, or even choose not to own, a semi-automatic assault rifle. Thus severely hampering their ability to pursue freedom, or belong to a well regulated militia.
Though some scrape by with a Glock 9 mm safely hidden away in a shoe box under the bed, others resort to using their senses or networked devices like cell phones to address danger. These risk taking individuals simply roll the dice when it comes to the 2nd amendment, choosing not to exercise their God given right to own one of His most beautiful killing machines.
Alex Lafayette, a financial adviser and weekend surfer living in Los Angeles has always been a risk taker, but when it comes to his choice not to own an assault rifle, this is an extreme understatement.”Quite honestly,” began Lafayette, “just walking around without an assault rifle is a huge adrenaline rush, even more than surfing, it just makes me feel alive.”
Many foolhardy, Un-American individuals like Alex choose not to own an assault style rifle, but for others it is a simple matter of economics.
Since slipping on a freshly mopped floor and hurting his back 10 years ago, Robert Rougenik of West Monroe, Louisiana has been unable to work, and is just struggling to buy food, much less an assault style rifle with extended magazine and hollow point rounds. With tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, Rougenik commented, “I can’t even afford a little baby machine gun, it’s just scary. How am I supposed to properly neutralize a school shooter or dispatch with a foreign combatant planting one of them dirty bombs?”
He’s not alone. Though many public assistance programs for distributing assault rifles to the poor and elderly have been proposed, none have come to fruition.
“What ever the reason, the ramifications are stupefying,” said the extremely attractive spokeswoman for the NRA. “We’re facing a major crisis here. Navigating daily life without being able to return hell fire is a tragedy, an American tragedy. Despite this country’s abundance of rapid fire assault style rifles, most Americans can only stand in the shadow of the mighty gun tree, never partaking of its heavy fruit and feeling the juice drip down their chins.”
But there is still hope. Just like Al Gore’s documentaries have drawn attention to the impending global warming crisis, perhaps we should turn our attention back to classics like Die Hard and its sequels. These timeless works clearly show that with enough fire power, we can come together as Americans and solve any problem.